If I Had My Way: 2016 Awards
I’m also reminded of the time I was once invited to play fantasy football. It was with some friends, including Kevin Ketchum and Bryan King, and someone had tweeted that it was going to be “film critics vs film fans”. In my naiveté, I thought that suggested that we would be picking actual film critics and film people to play football against one another. I was imagining Richard Roeper and Peter Travers being pummeled and thinking it would be “warm and likeable” to experience. Signing up to begin playing was kind of how I imagine the shoot for The Revenant to be, if I am to believe the press tour. Arduous, stressful, dirty, and bloody. (I gave myself a papercut.) But, in the spirit of making fantasy picks for things that are as foreign to me as heterosexuality, and also an awards show I just suffered through, here are my ideal picks for awards things.
Best Picture |
| 45 Years |
| Mistress America |
| Carol |
| Tangerine |
| Clouds of Sils Maria |
| Kumiko, The Treasure Hunter |
| Mad Max: Fury Road |
| The Lobster |
| Paddington |
| Eden |
Best Actor |
| Peter Sarsgard, Experimenter |
| Tom Courtenay, 45 Years |
| Henry Cavill, The Man from UNCLE |
| Josh Lucas/Stephen Plunkett, The Mend |
| Ian McKellan, Mr. Holmes |
Best Actress |
| Mya Taylor/Kiki Rodriguez, Tangerine |
| Greta Gerwig/Lola Kirke, Mistress America |
| Charlotte Rampling, 45 Years |
| Rinko Kikuchi, Kumiko, The Treasure Hunter |
| Teyonnah Paris, Chi-raq |
| Cate Blanchett/Rooney Mara, Carol |
| Anne Dorval/Suzanne Clement, Mommy |
| Saoirse Ronan, Brooklyn |
Best Supporting Actor |
| Live Schreiber, Spotlight |
| Ben Whishaw, The Lobster |
| Pierre-Yves Cardinal, Tom at the Farm |
| Oscar Isaac, Ex Machina |
| Joel Edgerton, The Gift |
Best Supporting Actress |
| Phyllis Smith, Inside Out |
| Sarah Paulson, Carol |
| Alicia Vikander, Ex Machina |
| Kristen Stewart, Clouds of Sils Maria |
| Colbie Smolders, Results |
Best Ensemble |
| Mistress America |
| Tangerine |
| Welcome to Me |
| Paddington |
| The Lobster |
Best Director |
| Todd Haynes, Carol |
| Sean Baker, Tangerine |
| Noah Baumbach, Mistress America |
| Celina Sciamma, Girlhood |
| Angelina Jolie Pitt, By the Sea |
| Stephen Cone, Henry Ganble’s Birthday Party |
| George Miller, Mad Max: Fury Road |
| Rihanna, Bitch Better Have My Money |
| Andrew Haigh, 45 Years |
Best Adapted Screenplay |
| Carol |
| 45 Years |
| Mr. Holmes |
| Kumiko, The Treasure Hunter |
| Paddington |
Best Original Screenplay |
| The Mend |
| Girlhood |
| Ex Machina |
| Mistress America |
| Appropriate Behavior |
Best Animated Film |
| Inside Out |
| Shaun the Sheep Movie |
| Unfriended |
Best Documentary Film |
| My Life Directed by Nicolas Winding Refn |
| The Hunting Ground |
| What Happened, Miss Simone? |
| Do I Sound Gay? |
| The Search for General Tso |
Best Foreign Film |
| Girlhood |
| Phoenix |
| Eden |
| Tom at the Farm |
| Mustang |
Best Music |
| Carol |
| 45 Years |
| The Man from UNCLE |
| Tom at the Farm |
| Mad Max: Fury Road |
Best Cinematography |
| Carol |
| 45 Years |
| Spectre |
| Lost River |
| Saint Laurent |
Best Visual Effects |
| Unfriended |
| Mad Max: Fury Road |
| Lost River |
| The Man from UNCLE |
| Star Wars: The Force Awakens |
Best Sound Design |
| Mad Max: Fury Road |
| Paddington |
| The Man from UNCLE |
| Unfriended |
| Goodnight Mommy |
Best Editing |
| 45 Years |
| Carol |
| The Man from UNCLE |
| Mistress America |
| The Big Short |
Best Costume Design |
| Carol |
| Brooklyn |
| Mommy |
| Mustang |
| Paddington |
Best Makeup |
| Crimson Peak |
| The Man from UNCLE |
| Mr. Holmes |
| Clouds of Sils Maria |
| Queen of Earth |
Best Production Design |
| Carol |
| Brooklyn |
| Anomalisa |
| Spectre |
| Crimson Peak |
I Like Things That Look Like Mistakes 
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[…] triggering phenomena – thanks a lot for this when I just wanted to watch Notting Hill, WWF. Three years ago, my friend (and writer so infinitely more talented than me that using the phrase “colleague” […]
June 20, 2021 at 12:13 pm
[…] just before the Oscars revealed their nominations slate for the year, my good Internet friend Kyle Turner went ahead and published his own little fantasy list of what he would have filled the awards categories with had anybody with authority bothered to ask […]