I haven’t really been paying attention to the race this year (long story), and I honestly didn’t remember who was nominated for what, and I haven’t seen half of the films nominated, but here are my two cents on some of the bigger categories at the Oscars this evening.
Should Win: 12 Years a Slave
Will Win: Gravity
If Only: Her
Note: If American Hustle pulls an upset, I’ll slap every one of you, especially those so adamant on calling it a “screwball comedy”.
Should Win: Steve McQueen, 12 Years a Slave or Alfonso Cuaron, Gravity
Will Win: Alfonso Cuaron, Gravity
If Only: Spike Jonze, Her or Joel and Ethan Coen, Inside Llewyn Davis or Harmony Korine, Spring Breakers
Note: This is representative of two things: What does it mean to have a directorial achievement? And why are we paying attention to art competing against art?
Should Win: Chiwetel Ejiofor, 12 Years a Slave
Will Win: Matthew McConaughey, Dallas Buyers Club
If Only: Joaquin Phoenix, Her or Oscar Isaac, Inside Llewyn Davis
Note: If they gave Leo’s Oscar to all of his fanpeople, would that shut them up? No? Well, I tried.
Should and Will Win: Cate Blanchett, Blue Jasmine
If Only: Greta Gerwig, Frances Ha
Note: Blanchett made Blue Jasmine as equally her film as it is Woody Allen’s, and brought him the closest he’s ever been to making a horror movie.
Should Win: Barkhad Abdi, Captain Phillips
Will Win: Jared Leto, Dallas Buyers Club
If Only: James Franco, Spring Breakers or Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Pain and Gain
Note: “I’m so so so sorry for kicking a hole in your TV after Leto won, so sorry,” I said.
Should and Will Win: Lupita Nyong’o, 12 Years a Slave
If Only: Scarlett Johansson, Her
Note: What do you mean the United Colors of Lupita isn’t an actual flag?
Should Win: The Wind Rises
Will Win: Frozen
Note: All I want is for there to be a new little statuette in the shape of Totoro.
Should Win: The Broken Circle Breakdown, Belgium
Will Win: The Great Beauty, Italy
If Only: We Are the Best!, Sweden
Note: How was Spring Breakers not nominated in this category? A) I’m pretty sure it was foreign to a majority who saw it and b) James Franco’s character is named Alien! How foreign can you get?
Should and Will Win: Her by Spike Jonze
If Only: Laurence Anyways by Xavier Dolan
Note: Thanks, Mr. Jonze, for helping me fall in love and get over the same person with your gorgeous film.
Should Win: Before Midnight, by Richard Linklater, Ethan Hawke, and Julie Delpy
Will Win: 12 Years a Slave by John Ridley
If Only: Much Ado About Nothing by Joss Whedon
Should Win: The Act of Killing
Will Win: 20 Feet from Stardom
Note: What do you mean you don’t want to watch two hours of the guys responsible for the Indonesian genocide reenact their atrocities on camera? It’s as fun as watching Shoah, but shorter!