Day: September 27, 2009

Questions for Death: “The Final Destination” in 3D Review

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The Final Destination 3D Review

Instead of my typical review, I will present questions concerning the new horror film The Final Destination in 3D. It’s about people trying to cheat death and trying to find creative ways to kill twetysomething bimbos. Without further ado, here are my questions:

  1. Why is each character so incredibly underdeveloped or even undeveloped?
  2. Why is the plotting as thin as rice paper?
  3. Why does each character us the word “vision” as if it were some very articulate and powerful or meaningful sentence?
  4. Why is it necessary for each main character to be shirtless?
  5. Why do people keep leaving dangerous and flammable liquids out? In certain careers, can’t you be severely disciplined for being so careless?
  6. Why did they have to have such a graphic sex scene…and in 3D?
  7. How is it that in supernatural horror films, the car always manages to lock itself and the person inside can never unlock it?
  8. Why, when Hunt (Nick Zano) got sucked in by the pool drain, didn’t he slip out of his swim trunks? What’s a little embarrassment for a life saved?
  9. Why didn’t anyone notice he was trapped under water?
  10.  Why wasn’t there a life guard?
  11. Why did that kid pray him with a water gun knowing Hunt was carrying his iPhone?
  12. Why didn’t Hunt grab the kid’s ear and bring him to his guardian to complain?
  13. Why didn’t the ambulance look out? Wasn’t he near a hospital slow zone anyway?
  14. How did the two, Nick (Bobby Campo) and George (Mykelti Williamson), know what room that guy was in?
  15. Why, when leaving the old man there, did the nurse leave the water one?
  16. Did no one realize that the hallway was flooding? Really?!
  17. Did one hear the yells of the elderly man?
  18. When at the mall, did Lori (Shantel VanSanten) not tie her shoes?
  19. When she gets her shoe stuck in the escalator, why didn’t she slip out of her shoes?
  20. Why do the construction workers leave all those liquids and flammable things unprotected?
  21. Does a large fan really have the power to push such a heavy cart with liters and gallons of paint, and thinner, and primer, and God know what other huge cans?
  22. Would someone really leave a nail gun loaded?
  23.   Could a small ember fly for 20 seconds and ignite such a huge fire?
  24. Could glasses cause a fire on sand simply form sun magnification?
  25.  Could that fire really go unnoticed throughout the mall?
  26. Why are the visual effects and 3D effects so hokey?

The Final Question: Is this really the Final Destination?

Grade: D